in time

there's a lot to say, just no motivation to say it.



and i get to see my dad and sisters! that is awesome. I'm not dwelling on having to see the family i dont want to & just focusing on the fact that my little sister is getting marrrrrieeeeddd.

i am incredibly tired and think i am going to sleep way early tonight. Tomorrow is a busy day.

i think Todd and I have decided [ok maybe I decided] that when this lease is up we're moving back downtown. I dont know why but life just felt better living not so far out. It's totally a mental thing but whatever, if it makes me feel like my quality of life is better - so be it hahaha.

Oh, so Todd and I booked some penthouse suites at the arena for a couple hockey games and originally it was going to be when we were going to have the wedding up here but since now we're getting married in Florida it's kind of pointless, but either way we'll just invite some people we know here to go. Hey free game and shit right? OK!

Well anyways the point of that is the guy I booked it with in the beginning apparently is no longer there so my account was transferred to someone else [who so far has been super nice] but in the process there were a few misunderstandings that are not sitting well with me. I booked it and paid $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ for it and really expect to get everything that was part of deal.

I hope it happens or I might end up pretty pissed.


vodka and sugarfree lemonade makes for a good sleep aid

Today was such a productive and positive day. I did a lot of things I've been meaning to do, and then spent about 4 hours with a fabulous girl talking about all kinds of things.

It really was a great day.

I am so excited to see my sister get married this weekend, however, what's surrounding it makes me want to slam my head into a wall.

Last minute people doing last minute details to try and earn last minute credibility. Sorry, but it's not going to happen. The damage is done. But i'll still smile at you for the sake of my sister who I love and am very proud of. She deserves this day and no amount of dysfunction should take that away.

and the cardinals...............



it's that time again

only this time it's right up front not in the balcony. i love being excited about things.


33% more

going to texas in about a week.

i think it'll be nice to get out of here. not that much is going on here, though i think thats pretty much the problem. i always enjoy being able to run off with Todd for a few days.

i cant wait for winter.

oh yeah, Henry Rollins is coming back which rules hard. I will be sure not to get as drunk as last year when we saw him haha.


oh my god i need sleepppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.



Its late and I'm really not in the best mood.

However, I was thinking about things and have realized that just because I'm happy [in general] doesnt mean that I have to love everyone and make amends everywhere. Thanks to some lovely ladies who made me realize that.

There is absolutely no reason to treat anyone like shit, even people I may not like or people that have fucked me over - but on the same note, that doesnt mean I have to be nice to them either.

Jen put it very well. Getting married is putting me into a brand new chapter in life and is making me feel nostalgic & think about good moments in the past and that is ok & is normal. But I have a new life now and any situations good or bad that involve anyone that I have not chosen to keep in my life dont need to follow me into this new chapter.


Come fly the friendly skies...

2 weeks until we go to Texasssss.

It's going to be an interesting travel. Flying into Dallas and then going to Austin, staying there for a couple days for my sisters wedding and then going from Austin to Houston to fly back home.

It was a lot cheaper doing it this way [probably because of the hassle haha] but saving money was important, plus Todd loves airports so it's fine if we have to hang out in them for more than a few hours.

I am very very curious to see if the dysfunctional family members show their face while we're there. I'm hoping not.


learning the little details today

opened a part of my heart that i didnt even know was closed.

I hope that everyone in a bad, unhappy, unhealthy, or unfortunate relationship gets out. I dont care if it's someone I hate or hated at some point. The fear of being alone, and the confusion of where to go after is not worth staying. There are people out there that will love you unconditionally for who you are, what you look like, whatever direction youre going in life. There are people out there that wont make you cry, that wont call you names, that wont make you feel insignificant. There are people out there that will respect you at all times, that will solve problems in an adult way without hurting you, and that will make you FEEL loved. When you find that person you will know and you will wonder what the fuck you were doing all those years before.

This sounds like such a stupid post but I just felt like it needed to be put out there.


i got a phone call with a 512 area code. i dont answer those numbers unless it's saved in my phone [my sister or her fiance] because it could be my mom and she's the last voice i want to hear.

i think they left a message so i should just check that.

on a side note i always preach about how good frozen grapes are but i'll say it again. goddamn they're good.

5 years ago today I got arrested and spent the night in jail on the way to Posi Numbers. Ugh what an ordeal. I remember this because it's also my dads birthday and I'm sure he was not thrilled to get a crying phone call from me with the words "im in jail" 632 miles away, as a birthday present.

Speaking of which, I need to call him.


we ended up going to the arch for fireworks last night. holy shit there were a ridiculous amount of people there. I definitely think it's one of those things that you should do once but thats about it. I thought it was awesome feeling like the fireworks were in 3-D right in front of my face, but the parking, crowd, getting out of downtown thing is too much of a hassle to do it every year.

Here is a picture that was taken before the fireworks started. I was trying to see if I should use a flash, no flash, or night mode. I like how the arch looks.

Now off to the gym.


no complaining

i deleted the last entry of complaining because it was silly. instead i'll replace it with pictures of my nephews. So stoked I get to see them when we go to Texas this month!



Last night the gym gave me a bunch of energy and I didnt go to bed till way late.

Today the gym has made me so tired that I honestly want to crawl in bed and go to sleep right now.

It should really choose one or the other so that I can make sure i go to the gym at the appropriate time. When I wake up, or before I go to bed.

Tomorrow we're going to the riverfront/arch for the fireworks. It'll be weird. Last year we just sat on the couch in our apartment and watched them. I really miss living downtown. This is what the arch grounds looked like about 2 weeks ago when we went down there:
Below is a picture of a statue down at the river front that was taken last year. Below that is a picture from the flooding a few months ago. You can see the top of the guys hat behind the display board thing. Then in the last picture that's what it looked like 2 weeks ago when we went down there. The "A" arrow points to where the statue is under water, and the "B" arrow points to where the display board is underwater.

I dont know if/how much the water has gone down but I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

Perfect tl;dr example right here. But hey I added 2 pictures...

We got our symptoms things that i talked about in this post. They're so much bigger than I thought they'd be. They rule and now I'm pissed off we waited so long to get them because 2 were sold out. oh well.

I had a really fucked up dream last night. One of those ones where you're crying so hard in the dream you wake up crying. The majority of the dream was so bizzare it was hilarious but in the end Todd dies and I was devastated. I woke up and Todd was in the living room playing xbox so I walked out into the living room still half asleep and just grabbed him and hugged him really tight. He asked what was wrong and I told him to come lay down with me and I'd tell him so he did and I started telling him the dream. He laughed about the weirdness of the dream but then when I got to the end I just started bawling haha. We were both laughing and I was like sobbing through my laughs. I couldnt believe what was going on. Half asleep and crying like a fool. He has never seen me cry like that haha.

We go to Texas in 3 weeks for my little sisters wedding. I'm excited to see her. Not excited about the drama that my mother may cause. Ugh.

My sister Alyssa left for Haiti today. I always get so worried when she goes there. I'm not even sure why. My dad and I were talking about it today and about how we're uneasy for the week she's gone usually and then the rational part of me realized that it's really no different than when my grandparents traveled to Italy a few weeks ago. I guess it's just the whole unknown thing. I hope her and the people she's will have a save flight there and back and a safe time there. I love my sisters.

During that same conversation with my dad we started talking about Todd and I told him about the dream and stuff. I also then mentioned to my dad that I've only cried maybe twice in the last year. Once from pain, and once because of a job situation I think. So we started talking about how much my dad loves Todd and how he thinks that Todd has had a "profound positive impact on me" and of course that sits extremely well with my dad seeing as how I'm his daughter and him and I are very close. Todd happened to wake up while I was on the phone and so I was like "ok dad well I'll let you go" and my dad said "see how it is? You're talking to me but then the love of your life wakes up and you're ready to let me go. But that's how it should be" I laughed said I loved him and hung up.

The dream I had really fucked with me. But at the same time it made me see my relationship that much clearer and made me realize just how much i love Todd and how important we are to each other. Sometimes I think it's sick how in love with him I am, and I'm sure others do too. But what can I say - he's incredible.

LOL at the 'caught me off guard" face and mouth full of Amp.



-Went to get an oil change, waited an hour and some for them to tell me they didnt have the right airfilter for my car in stock and couldnt do the oil change.
-Got my hair trimmed. Summer says if i want my hair to grow i need to trim the ends. I trust her.
-Cardinals game tonight. Carzan is coming with Todd and I which rules. I still have an extra ticket that probably wont get put to use. Bummer.
-Listening to a lot of Colbie Caillat. I like her a lot.

Dramarama on my moms side of the family [no surprise]. Blows my mind that people can be so fucking dramatic and pathetic. I feel bad because it's affecting my little sister 3 weeks before her wedding. I told her that she needs to tell my gma, mom, and certain distant relative to go fuck themselves. She wont though haha, she's a better daughter than I. I'm really thankful for one of my aunts though. She's been helping my sister out with this wedding and I'm glad for that. Obviously my mom is useless.

My sister Alyssa is going to Haiti again this week. Be safe sister even though i know you wont read this.