I had a really fucked up dream last night. One of those ones where you're crying so hard in the dream you wake up crying. The majority of the dream was so bizzare it was hilarious but in the end Todd dies and I was devastated. I woke up and Todd was in the living room playing xbox so I walked out into the living room still half asleep and just grabbed him and hugged him really tight. He asked what was wrong and I told him to come lay down with me and I'd tell him so he did and I started telling him the dream. He laughed about the weirdness of the dream but then when I got to the end I just started bawling haha. We were both laughing and I was like sobbing through my laughs. I couldnt believe what was going on. Half asleep and crying like a fool. He has never seen me cry like that haha.
We go to Texas in 3 weeks for my little sisters wedding. I'm excited to see her. Not excited about the drama that my mother may cause. Ugh.
My sister Alyssa left for Haiti today. I always get so worried when she goes there. I'm not even sure why. My dad and I were talking about it today and about how we're uneasy for the week she's gone usually and then the rational part of me realized that it's really no different than when my grandparents traveled to Italy a few weeks ago. I guess it's just the whole unknown thing. I hope her and the people she's will have a save flight there and back and a safe time there. I love my sisters.
During that same conversation with my dad we started talking about Todd and I told him about the dream and stuff. I also then mentioned to my dad that I've only cried maybe twice in the last year. Once from pain, and once because of a job situation I think. So we started talking about how much my dad loves Todd and how he thinks that Todd has had a "profound positive impact on me" and of course that sits extremely well with my dad seeing as how I'm his daughter and him and I are very close. Todd happened to wake up while I was on the phone and so I was like "ok dad well I'll let you go" and my dad said "see how it is? You're talking to me but then the love of your life wakes up and you're ready to let me go. But that's how it should be" I laughed said I loved him and hung up.
The dream I had really fucked with me. But at the same time it made me see my relationship that much clearer and made me realize just how much i love Todd and how important we are to each other. Sometimes I think it's sick how in love with him I am, and I'm sure others do too. But what can I say - he's incredible.
LOL at the 'caught me off guard" face and mouth full of Amp.