i am SO frustrated right now.

i really need to just make a wedding blog so that there is one place i can either bitch, or be super excited and it doesnt overflow into other parts of my life where others might not care as much.

but right now i dont have one so i'll bitch in here. i mean i could use my livejournal but i find myself going back and forth between this and that and it's the bloggers turn now haha.

anyway, one of the wedding vendor's im dealing with right now is such a bitch. i want to pull my hair out every single time i talk to her. that, or just punch her in the face.


im just having a bad day. they're rare but they still happen and today is one of them!



im not sure how i like all the pink in this new layout, but i dont really care enough to change it.

the trip to chicago was INCREDIBLE. im glad we went and saw todd's mom friday night and then headed to chicago on saturday. it was the best 4 days i've had in a very very long time.

relaxing, doing whatever we wanted - when we wanted... the wind blowing in our faces and really just having no care in the world. it was a feeling that i absolutely loved and i cant think of anyone i would have rather shared it with.

todd --- he is one phenomenal dude. noone has ever, or could ever, make me as happy as he does. life's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but the life we have together makes it so that that imperfection doesnt even phase me.

in florida ana said to me "you know how lucky you are right?" and went on to tell me why. you know someone is right for you when everyone around you see's it without you having to create some kind of presentation.

290 days until it's me and him against the world forever hahaha


2 of my sisters

at times i wonder how people from the exact same bloodline can be so different. maybe not in the better or worse way just very different. my favorite part of it all is that regardless of how different our lives are i feel close and love them. the parts of themselves that i dont have dont brew bitterness or jealousy, but admiration and proudness. There is no competition but genuine happiness for one another i believe. Of course it wasnt always this way - being young and immature we couldnt get along to save our lives but we are lucky enough to have left that behind in becoming adults.

we have alyssa and we have alexa.

we have alyssa -
determined, headstrong, beautiful, reserved but yet so loving and giving. only 16 months younger than me but years ahead of me in terms of accomplishments. working the same job for 9 years all while going to school and supporting herself - here she is a college graduate and going into gradschool. she's honest, she's loyal, and she's supportive. She stands by her beliefs and lives her life as best she, as a human being, can. She goes to Haiti doing things that i would never be able to do. Not only is she beautiful inside as a person but she's beautiful outside. Seriously i dont get how we are related! if she wasnt my sister i'd call her a babe but since she is i will just say that anyone who knows my sister know just how beautiful she is. Here is a young woman who is smart, hilarious, goal-oriented, gorgeous and who was my solid rock for a long time and who still is at times. And i have to say that i absolutely love the fact that i am related to someone who is going to be so successful in this world and someone who regardless of disagreements or times of needing an attitude adjustment [ha] has a heart of gold.'

then we have alexa - another incredible person. at 21 she has been through, gone through, overcome and moved on from things that most people would have no understanding of. she is a person who at one point in time i feared where she'd end up. there are absolutely no words in this life that i could ever use to explain how proud i am of her. she will be a wife in a month and a half and is a WONDERFUL mother of 2 little boys. She is by far much stronger than i ever could be and i have mentioned this to her more than once. I hope that she knows and understands just how proud our entire family is of her and how seeing her in this stable life and happy brings more joy to our hearts than ever imaginable.

and then there is me & anyone who knows me can see the obvious differences here.

this is in NO way meant to be self-deprecating or anything of the sorts. I have great qualities and in no way do i feel a "woe is me" "they are better than me" feeling - i am just stating facts. we are all different and again, its not about who's better or who's worse. None of us are "better" than the other anyway.

really what this is, is just a mere reflection of how incredible i think my sisters are and the many things that i admire and hope to one day be like and how lucky i feel to have at least some members of my family that dont disappoint me and who support me regardless of what i am or what i am not.

im trying!

ok im really trying not to make this a wedding blog, but i do have to say a few things...

with my sleep being totally screwed up i tend to spend my nights reading and searching online at any and everything wedding related to get ideas for the wedding.

one thing that i have noticed is that i looooove looking at people that i know or know of's wedding photos. it makes me feel like a total girl because i get so excited about my own wedding and even though i know i wont look as gorgeous as some of these brides, i get so excited about how awesome im going to FEEL at my wedding.

im not really sure what's happened but lately i am beyond ecstatic about getting married and planning this wedding.

i almost feel silly because im not really the "girly girl" haha but i get so giddy about it lately.

296 days until im a WIFE.




so stoked. baseball, shows, touristy shit, romance [LOLOL], friends - it will be a blast really.

2 vacations in one month. ruuuules.

Davids Bridal keeps calling me from when i was trying shit on in florida. i keep having to tell them I DONT LIVE THERE i was just visiting so i wont be coming in anytime soon... at least not to their store haha



there really is so much that i can finally update about and i guess im kind of in the mood to go ahead and do it. it's funny because everytime i think i am - i start writing and then realize im really not hahaha.

anyways, so todd and i had our trip back to florida a few weeks ago. it was much enjoyed but SO SO SO busy. basically the trip went like this:

thursday: flew into orlando where todd and i took a hotel shuttle to the hotel that we were staying at. alyssa and shawn drove down and picked us up and then alyssa and i went to davids bridal so that i could try on wedding dresses. todd and shawn ended up walking around the mall and having dude talk or something. it was surprisingly not so bad. i thought i was going to be in a horrible mood trying on wedding dresses [haha i know i know. it's supposed to be a totally happy moment] but i was afraid that i wouldnt find any dresses i liked or that i wouldnt like how i looked IN them. incredibly i was in a great mood the entire time. my sister was there to help me get in the dresses and all the ones i tried on were pretty alright. didnt find "THE ONE" or anything like that haha but i got an idea of the best styles for me to look and feel comfortable in. then we all went to dinner and had so many moments that had me DYING laughing. i cant even really remember anything specifically but i was crying from laughing so hard. after that back the the hotel and bed.

friday: ALYSSA'S GRADUATION! I'm so glad we decided to stay in Orlando that night, since she was graduating from UCF it was a muuuuuuch shorter drive than trying to drove from ocala. Her graduation was huge and it was in the weirdest order so the whole time we had shawn, todd, me, my dad & stepmom, and grandma & grandpa trying to find her so that we wouldnt miss when her named was called and she walked the stage. so my awesome awesome sister graduated college! [and is headed towards gradschool]. then we headed up to ocala got settled at alyssas and then went to lunch with the whole family. that was fun/interesting. i got to see my little brother and sister for the first time since i moved. they're so grown up haha. fucking a.... i just realized i didnt get any pictures of them!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING. damnit. well anyways then that night we had a graduation party at my dads for my sister and then from there went over to summer and steves with eric and they all got to meet todd [and liked him which was awesome] and that was that.

saturday: that was the day of my bridal shower. i had a blast and got to see some old faces i hadnt seen in years. i was so grateful so many people showed up and had a good time. alyssa did an incredible job on it. except for having to wear a funny veil, a blinking "bride to be" crown & button [hahhaa just kidding, i loved wearing it sissy alyssy] and the fact that you could SEE THROUGH MY DRESS it was perfect! i was soooo thankful for all the awesome gifts everyone got me and also thankful for spending the time, money, and effort to participate in it. it meant a lot to me. Ana drove down from BIRMINGHAM for it, and Corrine drove up from Tampa for it. Melanie came from gainesville too. Not as far, but still a travel. Seriously, i felt really lucky. later that night some of us got together to go out and have a few drinks. I got to meet Mel's husband and Todd got to meet some more people. after that we went over to James and Ambers to spend a little time there. I'm glad i got to see james. i seriously miss them a ton! mr. baby boy was sleeping but i got to see his cute face anyway. another successful night.

sunday: sunday was my little sisters first communion so we got up early and went to church. pretty awkward honestly, but not as bad as i was thinking. from there we drove out to my grandparents house where they had some catered food and we ended up swimming for hours. oh what a beautiful sunday that was. todd and i swam and played with the kids for a long time and then afterwards just sat in the sun and talked about how incredible it felt. that was one of the most fun and relaxing days. i hate florida heat but i totally forgot how awesome that heat feels when you're in or around a pool. came back and hung out with eric, shawn and alyssa and then todd and i stayed up watching playoff hockey but then i passed out because the game was going on for so damn long.

monday: we went and looked at the country club/wedding venue. i realized that ive totally been at a wedding there before! talked with the lady there and got some more ideas of cost and the other little details. then we went to my dads and sat around for a while since it was the last night i was going to see him before we left :( i set him up with a gmail account so now he tries to chat with me everytime he sees me on. haha adults and technology is hilarious.

tuesday: time to fly home. alyssa drove us to orlando and dropped us off at the airport. we hung out, boarded the plane and flew away from sunny florida. bittersweet of course. i was really happy to be coming home and being back in st. louis and sleeping in my own bed, but it didnt feel like enough time with friends and family.

I'm glad i finally updated this and wrote about the trip home. We're going to Chicago this coming weekend so maybe i'll get around to updating about that. It will probably take me forever though like this one did hahaha.

thanks for the picture awad hahaha