up late again

i really planned on responding to some emails that i needed to, and sending an email to my sister about a few things but of course i didnt.

time flies by and i never get important shit done. this weekend was a fucking waste for sure. friday night i was in bed by midnight and last night, i dont know what the fuck was going on but i ended up passing out for like 3 hours randomly and then going to bed. i hate when i waste weekends. they are my only time to relax or go and do things.

tuesday is the hockey game. 6 rows back and stoked as fuck.

the chicago trip is coming soon and im getting more and more nervous and uncomfortable about situations that are presenting themselves. i dont know, maybe i should just get over it.

bringing my ipod to work tomorrow and i plan on just working and working. getting in the groove with the ipod and not lurking the fucking board or sitting on gchat all morning. i need to step it up because one girl in the office is on vacation all week, and plus i know im not doing as much as i can and that just makes me feel shitty.

just some random things about todd. i was stressing out in normal fashion while sitting on the couch with my legs on todds lap and he says "its ok we'll get through it" and i say something about just how it sucks being so broke" and he replies by pointing to me and then pointing to him and saying "this is all that matters" and it just made me smile. not that i question why he loves me all the time, because thats just dumb, sometimes i do wonder. so i just asked what it was about me that made him treat me how he does and he just said "you make me happy" when i asked what it was i do that makes him happy his response was "everything. you can be sitting right there, with that blanket doing nothing and you're making me happy" -- its so unlike my last relationship. spending 4 years with someone who makes you cry day in and day out to being with someone who just SHOWS their unconditional love is just foreign to me. this was more of a mental note for myself so i never forget it. i have a little memory file for these types of things and inside that is the time he sang me a 30 minute get up kids set using the vacuum as a microphone. little things like are what make me feel so good.

i made an excel budget tonight and boy oh boy was it a sad sight. im hoping that pretty soon things will get better. much better.

i miss my dad a lot. i cant wait to see him in march when he walks for his Ph.D graduation. im so fucking proud of him and i hope that i can do something really nice for him.

its 130am and i have to be up in 4.5 hours.
fuck my life.


goodnight.