nothing better to do

i feel really sick today and i dont know why. i've been at work [the part time job] since 9 this morning and have just been feeling worse and worse as the day goes on. i have class in an hour and a half but i am very seriously considering not attending. all i really want to do is eat some soup and go to sleep. my stomach hurts so bad and i just overall feel like shit. wtf

we're leaving for chicago in a couple of days. it will be nice to get out of st. louis for a few days. im really looking forward to just being in chicago but even more so the MP shows. we wont have time to do all the things we did last time [not to mention we just did them in may so there's not really an overwhelming urge to be all touristy again haha] but one thing we did decide we need/want to do is take a water taxi again to the Pier. something about the ride is incredible. i really love the feeling of the wind in your face and the bumps from waves.

ive decided that if we ever do move to chicago that we're going to live in an area where we can have a boat. i never understood why people liked boats so much but more and more i see the appeal.

Shawn & Alyssa will be here in about a month from Florida and Stephen will be here from California at the same time. It's going to be awesome. I am trying to talk Tara into her and Brian coming from Louisville. That would be incredible. Our place will be full of people and for the first time since I moved here I'll feel at home again. There's something about having a bunch of people in your house/apartment that rules. I took it for granted when I lived in Florida but now I wish for it on a daily basis.

Oh well, even with the downs life is still good. I say it all the time but Todd is such an incredible person. He has opened my eyes to so much and really changed me as a person [in a good way] so missing all those things back in Florida is worth it.

I have about 45 minutes left of work today and as much as the job rules because i can study/do homework it also makes the day sooo muuuuch lonnger because there is like little to no stimulation. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

it's personal this time

i came in here to try and write something about what i was thinking, but i feel like i have no words. i feel bothered, stressed, worried, and frustrated about things that i'm normally very understanding of[difference of opinion for example]. 8 years ago i didnt really know anything, but did what i was supposed to. 4 years ago i didnt give a shit, and didnt do anything about it because i felt like it didnt matter anyway. this year i care, and i care a lot more than i thought i would. maybe now that i'm 26 instead of 18 i want to understand more. besides, i feel like this time, for me, there is much more at stake.

i feel kind of lost and don't really know how to fix that.

random

next week i'll start working on campus part time. that's awesome but unfortunately not a full time position so i'll still be looking for something full time. school is definitely going to kick my ass this semester, but i really am ready for it.

oh yeah and i'm under the 200 day mark for days left before the wedding. specifically 196 days left.

lol i totally have like halted planning because i've been out of it. one thing is for sure though, we are definitely cutting the guest list and having a smaller and more private wedding. i hope people can understand that.

Todd and I went to dinner with Ania and Mike last Friday and then over to their apartment where Todd fell in love with their dog Milo. They're moving to California so it looks like Todd and I will have to make some trips out that way. Such a bummer because they're such awesome people. I'll totally miss them.

I need to sleep now.

roll out the stretcher and make me feel better...

yesterday was the first day of classes since i changed schools and went back to my original major. i dont even really know why i left nursing & tried to go into computers in the first place. i think it had to do with the fact that i've always wanted to be a forensic nurse but always felt like it was too "out there" since i had a hell of a time finding a reputable graduate program for that specific thing.

well it turns out that UMSL has one in the works. I talked to the Assistant Professor and MSN Program Coordinator and she gave me some very excited and motivating information regarding the graduate forensic nursing program they're working on. it'll be a few years until they enroll the first class if they do get the program [which she mentioned she was confident they would because of a great response] which is totally fine and works in my favor since it's definitely still going to be a few years until i'm finished with my BSN.

Todd's so encouraging too of course. last week he made a little comment of "im glad you're doing this" and i dont know, for some reason inside it really made me feel good because i knew [not that i didnt know before] that he really will support me in anything i want to do.

fucking awesome

you know, today was really a great day.