last thoughts

is it possible to leave social networking on the internet behind and just use the internet as a reference tool if you have to look something up or send an email to someone?

i hope so because i quit.

it's been a while

and i am going to try and stop slacking. i think the reason i tend to slack here is that i am obviously not writing anything with substance that anyone will actually care about or be interested in reading. im not reviewing music or food or tv shows or whatever else gets reviewed, and im not blogging about my creations since i am not talented enough to make or design anything. so basically this thing is just a big thing of "who-gives-a-shit".

anyway, with that said Todd and I are now officially season ticket holders for the Blues. I think we figured we were ready to take the plunge. Afterall we took the big life plunge just a couple weeks ago, so why not start married life as gung-ho hockey fans? haha

So yes, we are now married too. The wedding was great. Nothing too fancy nothing to crazy.

During the ceremony I almost started crying really hard so I took a moment to compose myself which consisted of me hesitating before I spoke and taking a deep breath that sounded like a sigh. The only problem is that I chose the wrong moment to collect myself. It was during our vows and when I was repeating them. The officiant said "I promise to be a faithful wife" waiting for me to repeat her, but not thinking I chose that moment to try and keep my composure, which made it sound like I was hesitating and sighing at the thought of having to be a faithful wife.

Everyone thought it was hilarious and it took me a minute to realize what had just happened. But thanks to the laughter it made it much easier not to cry so that worked well! Then when it was Todd's turn to say "I promise to be a faithful husband" he decided to mock me and he hesitated and sighed as well, which again made the guests chuckle.

Todd and I decided that instead of doing a unity ceremony [unity candle, sand ceremony, etc.] we would read short love notes that we had written to each other but kept secret until the ceremony. It really went over well in my opinion [of course I am biased]. I felt like it just added a really beautiful touch. [awww ok whatever].

One of my BIGGEST regrets was not videotaping the ceremony. HOW THE HELL DID I NOT REMEMBER TO REMIND SOMEONE TO VIDEO TAPE IT?? But oh well, it's over and done with and I have great memories.

The photobooth at the wedding went over very well and I can't wait to get the disk of pictures taken. Apparently I have to look at someones balls but other than that I think everyone just had fun with it.

We had a slight playlist issue, but I expected something to go wrong with not hiring a DJ and all but Steve totally made things work so well and I am so thankful for him manning the playlist.

Apparently the food was delicious but I didn't even get a bite of it at the reception. SO BUMMED. MEXICAN FOOD RULES. Everyone said how great it was to go to a wedding and eat something other than "wedding chicken" haha. Thank you Todd for not letting me change the menu at the last moment.

So that was a very quick recap and I am missing all kinds of great moments but I think I could type all day about my wedding day and I'm sure this is more than enough as is.

...

i am overwhelmed by life right now.

dear wedding - please hurry up and come
dear school - please dont kill me this semester
dear world - please stop making me feel so goddamn isolated and disheveled.

woe is me or something

i feel "off". i don't really know what it is - ok i probably know what it is but because it's too hard for most people to understand it's much easier to say i don't know why i feel the way i do then to try and explain it to someone who [by no fault of their own really] just wont get it.

There are 66 days until the wedding. SIXTYFUCKINGSIX.

In the next 66 days I am:
Taking an even heavier school load
moving out of one place and into another
putting the final touches on an out of state wedding
getting married.

Ok so, that's kind of a lot to deal with and maybe that's why I'm feeling the way I am. I'm sure it's part of it but there is still that underlying issue that follows me around from day to day, month to month, and year to year and I am just not sure when that cloud is going to part - but I hope soon.

Home again

Chicago was great of course. I will update at some point about the Chicago trip/New Years. I promise!

The show was so awesome - will also update about that!

Chilouis

Tara and Brian were here Friday night passing through on their way home from KC. It ruled. We went to dinner and they showed us how to play shit on the Wii haha. But what is more awesome is that THEY ARE GOING TO CHICAGO WITH US FOR NEW YEARS EVE/NEW YEARS DAY. Ummm hello most fun and awesome new years ever. Spending it with people that are awesome and that I love. Not much could make it better [unless my sister was there].

The school semester is officially over, I did alright. Better than I thought in some areas and not as well as I wanted in others. Next semester will be better.

Tuesday is my 27th birthday. I can't believe I'm going to be 27. It just feels weird I guess. 26 wasn't a big deal [except that I got engaged haha] but I think since 27-29 is considered "late 20's" i'm feeling old.

I am stoked for the show on NYE and also stoked on just chillin in Chicago.

2008 went by so fast and that makes me wonder just how fast 2009 will go. Hopefully 2009 is better than 2008 ALTHOUGH I really shoudnt complain. considering previous years, 2008 was really pretty good despite some of the financial hardships with getting laid off of a job and having a hard time finding another one. But I'm ending the year with a job so that's what matters.

oh yeah, we got approved for a new place so we're going to be moving in there in February. THANK GOD. This place is a fucking shithole with loudass neighbors.

it's been some time

i havent updated this blog in a while, but then again i havent updated any sort of online blogging/journaling thing in some time. im not sure if its just that i dont have much to say, or that i dont know how to say it.

im going to go with the second one because i do have a lot to say. i dont know, i guess it's kind of weird. i feel slightly isolated but there really isnt much reason to. i think i just have a lot on my mind and cant seem to form them into real thoughts that would make sense to the outside world haha.

so Todd and i are definitely going to Chicago for new years. I am very much looking forward to that. We'll only be there for about 36 hours but that's fine. We leave at like 6am or something on 12/31 and then leave at like 11:55 on 01/01. We'll go to the show, sleep in the hotel, and then spend all of new years day just roaming around. I do know we're going ice skating though, which will be hilarious since neither of us have actually done that before.

Our wedding is 93 days away. Uhh wow. There is a lot to do still and maybe after next week when finals are over and the semester is over i'll be able to do some cram planning. Eh, we'll see.

One thing i hate about the winter time is that my hair gets REALLY static-y [not a word i dont think]. I know it's from jackets and sweaters but it's annoying. Now that my hair is so long I'm actually feeling it.

I'll try and update this more often. Who knows what will happen though haha.

Chicago for New Years? I think so. The Methadones, The Lawrence Arms, The Copyrights plus the whole holiday feel, and a nice hotel downtown in the cold. I always end up drunk when I go to Chicago so I think this would be very appropriate haha - thankfully I have Todd to make sure I get around safely.

Saw Henry Rollins on the 6th of this month and it was great as usual. I had an annoying ass girl next to me who was so hammered that she kept yelling "SHUT UP" [not in the mean way but in the "omg are you serious?" way] and getting up to get more drinks. Finally her boyfriend said "if you get up, dont come back" haha.

I have buried the hatchet with someone from my past. It actually feels really good not to hold on to negative feelings anymore.

There's really nothing else to say right now except that I'm busy with school [thank god the semester is almost over] and working.

Oh and I picked up my wedding planning again. HA. I went on a hiatus for months and months but now that there are only like 115 days left I figured I better figure some shit out quickly.

it's kind of annoying

Just because I don't want kids does not mean I won't have a "family" of my own. Once Todd and I get married we'll be our own family and may or maynot add pets to the mix. Children to not make a family. Remember that people. Just like only a man and a woman do not make a family. I would consider two men in a serious, longterm relationship a family of their own, as well as two women in the same situation whether or not either couple has kids.

A family is not JUST a man and a woman with their kids. The definition of family is:

fam·i·lies

a. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
b. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.

so even though a man and a woman and kids are considered a family, there are another definitions of the word family and I think people need to realize that.

too tired to write details

which sucks because i doubt i'll come back to it haha.

basically though, i had one of the best weekends ever.

Friday Alyssa & Shawn came in, Stephen came in, and Tara & Brian came in. We went to the city museum and acted like children [some more than others haha]. Saturday we went to Blueberry Hill for lunch and walked around the Loop before going up to the arena for the hockey game. Obama was here on Saturday too and though I would have loved to go, I figured it would be best not to since I had a house full of guests and the crowd downtown was ridiculous [see below].

The game was INCREDIBLE. The suite was fantastic, everyone got along and seemed to have a great time. The game was very exciting and there was a fight in the stands right below our suite which added to the atmosphere. I definitely drank wayyy more than usual and there were some HILARIOUS moments - but overall it was just so awesome. Here is a picture after the game that the food/beverage lady took for us haha. There are about 4 or 5 drunkards in the picture. This was before the beer fiasco before the elevator, which i may or may not write about later.
After the game we went to the casino where I played a little but not much and Alyssa spilled coffee on her pants, Shawn won some money, Stephen lost some money and Brian hit a wrong button on a slot machine haha.

Stephen left really early on Sunday and Tara and Brian left in the afternoon. The rest of the night was just spent relaxing for the most part with Alyssa and Shawn. Went and saw a horrible movie in the theater and then watched the Tampa/Boston game that we dvr'd.

There really is so much more that I'm not writing about and leaving out a lot of details but that's alright. All that matters is that the weekend was one of the best I've had in a very long time.

Here's a quote about the Obama rally here.

"Barack Obama attracted 100,000 people at a Saturday rally here, his biggest crowd ever at a U.S. event."

Thats pretty crazy if you ask me. Here is a slideshow from it [obviously not mine]:




I sure do miss living downtown. I say it all the time, but it would have been fucking incredible to see the sea of people from our old living room.

before sleep

I got an email today confirming my travel arrangements for my new job. I'm pretty damn excited to see how it goes. I'll be leaving Sunday the 26th and coming back late Tuesday night and going into the local office on Wednesday. It's crazy how you apply for jobs and it seems like nothing comes your way, and then once someone is really interested in you EVERYONE decides they want to hire you. Oh well, it's a great job, good pay, and works well with my school schedule.

They're putting me up in a hotel about 5 miles from the corporate office in Illinois which happens to be really close to where Todd's mom lives, so I'm going to probably email her and see if she wants to grab dinner the Sunday night I get into town.

so since today is technically Thursday - I GET TO SEE EVERYONE TOMORROW! I can't express how happy and excited I am to be around so many incredible people that I love. It is muuuuch needed.

I have a final tomorrow in one of my classes that's only 8 weeks and not a full term class. Im not even concerned about that class because I know I got an A and I know I'll do fine on the final. The tests I took on Monday in one class and today in another I'm not feeling as confident about, but I wont find out what those are until next week.

I'm feeling good about where I'm heading even though things have been a little crazy. By a little, I mean a lot haha. But hey, Todd helped me keep my head above water and now all will be well.

it's that time of year

Midterms are this week..... ieee

The Blues home opener was Friday night. It ruled as expected. Last year's opener was awesome, this year's opener was awesome... I think openers are just really awesome because it's that whole "ITS TIME" when you know that you're going to be spending many nights watching hockey either at home or at the arena. It's awesome. It also is a reminder that winter is around the corner which is always exciting. I am excited for this year. I imagine we'll still be ehhh but I think watching the young talent will bring some energy.

so technically today is sunday which means, not including today, in 5 days....

ALYSSA & SHAWN ARE FLYING IN FROM FLORIDA!
STEPHEN IS FLYING IN FROM CALIFORNIA!
TARA & BRIAN ARE DRIVING IN FROM LOUISVILLE!

so them plus 4 St. Louis people will be attending the Blues/Blackhawks game on Saturday in one of the penthouse suites. I've never seen a game from that high up, though I guess it's not really that much higher than the top of the 300 sections. I keep worrying that since it will be Alyssa, Shawn, Tara & Brian's first actual hockey game that they wont get to really experience it from that high, but the more I think about it the more I think it'll be ok. Either way, the weekend is going to be a blast and I'm so excited to see my sister and my friends and of course Todd is excited to see everyone too.

If we could have gotten Summer up here our entire wedding party would be here haha. Since my side is Alyssa & Summer and Todd's side is Tara & Shawn we could have done some wedding discussion, though i'm sure something will come up anyway.

I think we might hit up the casino after the game, and I know that we're for sure going to the city museum while everyone is here... I'm thinking Friday night.

FUCK IM EXCITED!

oh and on a really interesting note - I am SO excited for the Christmas season this year. Anyone who knows me knows how crazy that is because I normally HATE Christmas with a passion because it's always been the most depressing time of the year. But nah not anymore.

my PSA

I don't really care how this sounds but if there is one thing I know, it's that everyone in this world should have a Todd in their life.

Not someone with the name, but someone who is the kind of person he is.

He make's everything ok. No matter how crazy, small, big, important, or silly it is he always, always makes it alright.

If you dont have one of him in your life, find one.

yeah

i took off work monday because i have an interview for a really really incredible job. i had a phone interview on friday and i have a lunch interview with the President/CEO on Monday. i am crossing my fingers.

On that note I went out and bought a really cute womens dress suit that i of course dont really like on me, but Todd said it looks really good and that I look very nice and professional in it haha.

The best part of it is that I bought the pants, the jacket and the baby blue camisole for $32.00 hahaha. I somehow talked the girl into giving me a 50% off coupon on top of 40% that was already taken off from a sale. So my total was $96.76 and I paid $32.15. Sweet fucking deal.

Today I spent doing homework and bargain shopping for a new outfit. For the most part they both were a success whether or not i REALLY see that it was.

I also had over an hour long conversation with my dad which is the second time that's happened this week. My dad=the best dad in the world.

from bored to busy

yay for a fulltime job.

ok so they say that for every hour you spend in class you should spend 2 hours outside of class studying. LOL If I did that - between work, class, studying and sleeping [8 hours a night] that leaves me with 27 hours per week for whatever else, which is actually more like 15 hours a week if i add in travel time to and from work/school. Luckily my PT job is actually on campus so the only travel time that makes is how long it takes me to walk from my class to work.

what my life looks like:

Monday:
FT Job - 830-5
Class #1 530-645
Class #2 7-950

Tuesday:
FT Job - 830-5
Class#3 530-7
PT Job - 7-9.

Wednesday:
FT Job - 830-5
Class #1 530-645
Class #2 7-850

Thursday:
FT Job - 830-5
Class#3 530-7
PT Job - 7-9

Friday:
FT Job- 830-5
Study & Homework 6-??

Saturday
PT Job - 10-5
Study & Homework - whenever

Sunday:
Study & Homework - all day/till done

hey at least i cant bitch about being bored anymore!!

I will barely see Todd but it's alright. it wont be this way forever.

back from chicago

it rained and rained all weekend, but it really was such a wonderful weekend.

it was a weekend to be remembered even with all the shitty weather.

this is not a video from the show because i didn't take any video's from the first night but Todd and I will forever remember him playing this song. Big thanks to Matt Pryor for being such an awesome person and helping me surprise Todd. I know it meant a lot to us both but Todd especially. [if you're curious about specifics you can contact me directly]

nothing better to do

i feel really sick today and i dont know why. i've been at work [the part time job] since 9 this morning and have just been feeling worse and worse as the day goes on. i have class in an hour and a half but i am very seriously considering not attending. all i really want to do is eat some soup and go to sleep. my stomach hurts so bad and i just overall feel like shit. wtf

we're leaving for chicago in a couple of days. it will be nice to get out of st. louis for a few days. im really looking forward to just being in chicago but even more so the MP shows. we wont have time to do all the things we did last time [not to mention we just did them in may so there's not really an overwhelming urge to be all touristy again haha] but one thing we did decide we need/want to do is take a water taxi again to the Pier. something about the ride is incredible. i really love the feeling of the wind in your face and the bumps from waves.

ive decided that if we ever do move to chicago that we're going to live in an area where we can have a boat. i never understood why people liked boats so much but more and more i see the appeal.

Shawn & Alyssa will be here in about a month from Florida and Stephen will be here from California at the same time. It's going to be awesome. I am trying to talk Tara into her and Brian coming from Louisville. That would be incredible. Our place will be full of people and for the first time since I moved here I'll feel at home again. There's something about having a bunch of people in your house/apartment that rules. I took it for granted when I lived in Florida but now I wish for it on a daily basis.

Oh well, even with the downs life is still good. I say it all the time but Todd is such an incredible person. He has opened my eyes to so much and really changed me as a person [in a good way] so missing all those things back in Florida is worth it.

I have about 45 minutes left of work today and as much as the job rules because i can study/do homework it also makes the day sooo muuuuch lonnger because there is like little to no stimulation. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

it's personal this time

i came in here to try and write something about what i was thinking, but i feel like i have no words. i feel bothered, stressed, worried, and frustrated about things that i'm normally very understanding of[difference of opinion for example]. 8 years ago i didnt really know anything, but did what i was supposed to. 4 years ago i didnt give a shit, and didnt do anything about it because i felt like it didnt matter anyway. this year i care, and i care a lot more than i thought i would. maybe now that i'm 26 instead of 18 i want to understand more. besides, i feel like this time, for me, there is much more at stake.

i feel kind of lost and don't really know how to fix that.

random

next week i'll start working on campus part time. that's awesome but unfortunately not a full time position so i'll still be looking for something full time. school is definitely going to kick my ass this semester, but i really am ready for it.

oh yeah and i'm under the 200 day mark for days left before the wedding. specifically 196 days left.

lol i totally have like halted planning because i've been out of it. one thing is for sure though, we are definitely cutting the guest list and having a smaller and more private wedding. i hope people can understand that.

Todd and I went to dinner with Ania and Mike last Friday and then over to their apartment where Todd fell in love with their dog Milo. They're moving to California so it looks like Todd and I will have to make some trips out that way. Such a bummer because they're such awesome people. I'll totally miss them.

I need to sleep now.